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well. it was my blogiversary. two days ago. but i was sick. like snotty-facedĀ head cold sick. and i even attempted to write a post in that state, but upon perusing it again, realized it makes no sense. it’s all tylenol cold meets shots of whiskey. thus, you get the two-days-late celebration of a year of wasting spending my time writing on this blog. there have been good times. bad blogger times. and all around inappropriate times (that post’s picture, much to my chagrin, is the most clicked on picture on my blog. i don’t know what that means, but it can’t be good). i think i have done a pretty bang up job as a bad blogger and a recovering technophobe. but just to convince you, dear sweet readers who hide from me, i will list some of my accomplishments over this past bloggyrific year as a way of saying screw you, i am gonna keep blogging and nobody can stop me (unless i actually get a job and they force me to). a year in the life of jacks-as-blogger or jackablogger:

  1. i have gone from bitching about starting my dissertation to being close to done a complete first draft. this has resulted in a search for gainful employment. when i began this blog, i hoped it would help motivate me and be an outlet and procrastination place. it has paid off in spades, my friends. spades. (i have no idea what that means).
  2. i taught myself how to use blogger and then moved over to where dr. beth, the alpha-bloggess told me all the cool kids were, that is, wordpress. THEN i taught myself how to use wordpress. it is like i am a computer genius or something. the really, really cool kids pay for their own domain but i am okay being a second-rung cool kid because i have never been one to kowtow to the whims and trends of others. or maybe i am. i have no idea.
  3. every time i think i will never be as pumped about another research project, i discover something like fat and fall deliciously, hopelessly in love with the idea of talking to people about it and turning it into something thinky (and bloggy) .
  4. i went to my first american conference (and blogged about it!) and it made me fall deeper in love with fat studies.
  5. i spoke at a blogging conference about my research.
  6. as a bona fide member of the wordpress community i have so far appeared in the “possibly related posts” section of three different blogs. they are: fat feminism: musings of a rubens woman – which, i might add, actually makes sense and looks like a cool blog; some kid’s blog who wrote a post about incest – okay, this was a little bit of a stretch but from what i saw, he was trying to be witty. i hope; and this blog, which i think is about nordic skiing. the link here – say with me folks – is a blog post about being a un-sexy pole dancer. get it? ski poles, stripper poles…anyhoo. it appears that “possibly related should be highlighted and bolded. i fear that the nordic ski people might not be getting the kind of pole-action they want (however, i posted the ic of when i went pole-dancing just to add to the confusion. hehe. take that wordpress!).
  7. i cat blogged once! sorry shells. and everybody.
  8. this list has to be ten. so here is number eight.
  9. blogging has inspired not only my future research project (about blogging and fat! wheee!) but it has also inspired that creative writing spirit that i lost roughly after i got my license. before that i would crank tori amos or classic rock (i can’t even stand the doors anymore because of how much i listened to them in my angsty youth. borf) and write really.bad.poetry while my father worried for the state of my mental health. it’s good to be back to the good ole days.
  10. basically, i kept it up for a year. and i am friggin’ proud of myself. *big shit-eating grin*

so during this little yay me blogiversary partay, i realized i don’t have a list of my categories. and i still don’t know how to tag things. um, dr. beth? help me…

oh yeah – and how could i forget: HAPPY H-WEEN kids! costume pics to come! (and tell me what you are going to be/were. now. NOW!).

so dr. beth – after a night of vegetarian cuisine andĀ  my constant questions about what a ping is and how i can find out how important i am to the blogosphere – has helped me out with a post idea – that is a five things meme. basically i have to thrill you by answering questions with five answers. so here goes nothin’ kids.

FIVE things i was doing 10 years ago:

  1. deciding that instead of dropping out of university and becoming a chef (in which case i would now be working for dreamy gordon ramsey – i don’t usually dig men with light hair but comeon) or a florist, i would get my phd and become a professor (can somebody say existential crisis?)
  2. putting on roughly thirty pounds instead of the average “freshman fifteen” (good times)
  3. getting up the courage to end an almost-five-year-long relationship to live a life that somehow approximated sex and the city (the former happened, the latter, not so much)
  4. falling deeply and intensely in love with critical thought (feminist, anthropological, and sociological. seriously. i had a boner for theory)
  5. discovering exercise. and tanning. later, i will refer to this part of my life as the “surfer chick stage.” i neither surfed nor ever considered myself a chick, but upon being misrecognized at christmas by a younger cousin who i heard whisper to her mother “jacks sure looks different than before” i got a sense that something was awry. btw, it was my fake tan and platinum hair. yowza)

FIVE things on my to-do list today

  1. buy the remaining components of my h-ween costume (and no, you may not know what i am going to be so there. be patient. i will post pics)
  2. eat stuff. a special moment of ingestion will take place tonight when i go out with friends who are taking their new baby on the town for the first time. i let you know how that goes
  3. read more of the fat anthology i am currently obsessed with. it is called fat: the anthropology of an obsession. i am sure i don’t have to remind you how obsessed with fat i am right now
  4. try to send five minutes with t-bone. we’ve been busy so ships passing in the night or somethin’ like that
  5. decide about going to a concert. the band sounds a little like blue rodeo. and no. that isn’t good

(and i am aware that there is nothing regarding my dissertation on that list. it’s saturday. gimmie a break)

FIVE snacks i like

  1. poutine
  2. french fries
  3. potato chips
  4. beer (if none of the above is available)
  5. guacamole (i could seriously drink that shit. seriously)

FIVE things i would do if i had a million dollars

  1. make the barenaked ladies song “if i had a million dollars” the soundtrack of my life. it would come on when i walked into a room
  2. buy a forest green volvo circa 1979
  3. travel to figi
  4. maybe move somewhere warm
  5. buy a house in the country and have too many animals

FIVE places i’ve lived in

  1. small town ontario (pop. 4200)
  2. ottawa, our nation’s capital (there are two things ottawa does well: canada day and summer)
  3. toronto
  4. vancouver
  5. that’s it

FIVE jobs i’ve had

  1. interpretive guide/reception at a national historic site (basically i dressed up as a soldier’s wife from 1846 and got called wench a lot despite that being a temporally-inappropriate term for women of the era we were representing. i gave tours and found my peverse love of all things reception-y – including but not limited to the movie the secretary. i know. so wrong to go there)
  2. i worked for a minute for my grandfather in his print shop. i was hoping it would be more secretary-like but it ended up being more print-person like. it sucked. i quit on my second day
  3. i have been a teaching assistant and i am an instructor. i heart teaching but it seems almost like a not-real job cause it only exists in the forms i have done it in academia. and plus, i love it so it doesn’t feel like work (i know that is cheesy but it is true so suck it)
  4. sadly, that is also it. embarrassing, i know. i did the interpretive guide thing for like 6 years – basically it stole my youth and i have been doing number 3 for about the same amount of time. apparently i don’t like to diversify. essentially, i am unemployable outside of academia. pray that i get a job. for reals

I am suppose to tag people here but i don’t have enough friends who blog so instead i am going to write five words i find funny. i believe this ruins the point of a meme, but i never claimed to know what i was doing on the internets.

FIVE words i fine funny

  1. mustache
  2. panties
  3. viscous
  4. scrotum
  5. sycophant (word and deed are highly annoying)

it would be nice if you chose one of these categories and provided your own answers in the comments section i might just love you forever. really i will.

well. it is that time of year again kids. yup. halloween. well – almost-halloween which should be a holiday in of itself if you ask me. for me, halloween – and its preamble – are kinda like christmas ‘cept the gifts involve candy and disguising yourself as something f*ckin’ fabulous. preferably a movie star or a favourite douchebag of choice from the ’80s just do you can tease your hair, wear glue-on chest hair, and adorn yourself with copious amounts of blue eyeshadow in a non-ironic, non-hipster kinda way. this halloween is particularly special because a) i have a frickin’ amazing costume (thanks in large part to my friend the magster), b) it will be my one year blogiversary, and 3) it marks the beginning of my job-search-coming-to-fruition. or something like that last thing that makes more grammatical and general sense.

halloween is exciting because it is the unexpected. people you know come to parties in costumes that disguise their very identities. people scare you. and good scary movies come out. i like the unexpected. the unanticipated. except when it comes to the future. where the future is involved i think i want to know all the answers. have everything figured out. and i have recently come to the conclusion that this runs counter to the foundations of my favourite holidays – that is, xmas and hween. how then, do i make sense of the fun of the unexpected with the terror of the unknown. how? seriously. i’m asking.

it has recently also come to my attention that i act in some ways counter to how i think or imagine the world actually works. that makes little to no sense. but for increased lack of clarity, let me just say by way of example that i act at times like the world is predestined. as tho we are supposed to understand or know what will come next. and if we can’t know, then we can try really friggin’ hard to make guesses that will ultimately lead to the right path, that is, the predestined one. this way of acting – thinking i am some gypsy fortune-teller that can read the future off the palm of the world if i just concentrate real hard, is in direct contradiction to how i actually think the world works, which is really more something like that we are involved in a series of the most random shit ever. and choices mean something only insofar as they matter by way of the meaning you give them. or make of them. basically just the positive or negative energy you give to the choices and the consequences – or rather outcomes – they have is what is actually significant.

regardless of if that makes any sense, i think it is important to be clear about the way we approach the world, and whether that compliments or contradicts ideas – in this case of the agency we have as individuals to act upon the outcomes of decision-making – we hold dear. my friend mags, with the great costume ideas, makes this hilarious distinction between acting and thinking which i think is highly relevant here. some people “do” stuff. other people “think” about stuff. i think the paradox of falling into one or the other of these categories is not fully recognizing that the acting and thinking cannot always coexist because they are being informed by different, and contradictory, ideas/beliefs/fears/etc. and the key to doing both lies in discovering the disconnect between the dots.

and no, i am not going to be a gypsy this year for halloween. however, i did once get my palm read by the grandfather of friend of an old boyfriend who was supposed to be psychic. in his fabulous ’70s old person home that smelled like sheltie, he told me that i was destined to have five children with the guy i was with then, live nearby, and generally be a housewife. fuck destiny. i gotta get myself a job.