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hula1i just got back from hawaii. jealous? of course you are. but please temper your jealous rage with the fact that it was a hard won vacation. first i had to:

complete a draft of my dissertation (which also explains why i haven’t blogged in about a billion light years)
mark a billion papers
and turn thirty

well the turning thirty thing was actually the impetus for going to the islands. t-bone, in all of his magnificence, surprised me with the trip on my birthday. yes. my 30 birthday. not a spring chicken any more folks. nope. i’m practically a cougar. speaking of cougars – here are some of my hawaiian thoughts. as in, i had these thoughts on my hawaiian vacation. and no. none of them actually have anything to do with cougars. but a segue is a segue folks. deal with it.

thought #1: are japanese people from japan MUCH cooler than white north americans? the answer my friends is yes. so very, very much cooler. AND more stylish. poor us.

thought #2: why is visiting the united states of america the equivalent of a food assault? the restaurant nearest to us (a twenty-four hour diner) served so much food to us that i almost started crying. i saved my tears however for the food pounding i got at red lobster. i am still not sure if it was because of how much my distended stomach hurt or because the pina colada sauce they serve with the coconut shrimp will bring you to f-ing tears.

thought #3: why wasn’t i born on one of the polynesian islands? huh? i was BORN to fast hip shake dance (i actually think i patented that on the dance floors of o-town in my youth), hula dance, and eat coconut. f-ing BORN for it.

thought #4: is buying and wearing 4 spf sunscreen bad?

thought #5: i am AWESOME at surfing. why the f do i live in canada?

thought #6: mai tais are like a meal. booze. cherry. pineapple. booze. i will have one a day from now on. forever.

thought #7: mai tais make me wanna take mai top off.

thought #8: t-bone is really cute. especially with his hawt tan. how do i get him to take his top off? i know! another round of mai tais!

thought #9: my ty is the best kind of mai tai.

thought #10: how long have i been in the sun with top off? why is my glass empty? where the f is t-bone?

and basically it just deteriorated from there.

i f-ing love hawaii and i can’t wait to go back next year. hear that t-bone? i will be turning thirty again. and again. and again…

(p.s. i didn’t see dog. or leland. but not for lack of trying).